“Let’s Talk About Sexy Baby”

I wanted to talk about sex and females. Now that I have your undivided attention with subject matter, let’s get down and dirty, if you will.

First, let me educate the males in our lives. I will be careful to use analogies that you can follow easily, things like sports and/or food.

I feel that the man in my life should know more about my vagina than my OB/GYN does, and not need a manual and/or road map to manage it.

He should have all the top-secret Intel to access my vault, and the know how to score a touchdown without the coach having to call the plays.

I know some of you are squeamish when it comes to running different plays, but please get your fingers into it; sometimes they do more than the cocker spaniel does.

I know Cosmopolitan always has some type of sex issue just about every other month, written by woman, about how to please your man…but what about Playboy doing an article for the men, letting them know how to please us?

Men, it can only help you  in getting a leg up, pardon the pun, and making the overall experience more enjoyable for all those involved.

Let’s also touch on the human anatomy a bit, like for example, a woman’s putty tat.

It needs to be stroked, licked and caressed…just as if it was a bucket of chicken wings, you understand what I’m saying gentleman? 

Just like preparing the team for a big play on the field, you must turn on the oven to warm it up, if you catch my drift. You can’t just pop it in like as if it was a toaster and expect good results. 

You also need you men to work up and work out, to last more than a quarter of the first half; we can’t have you running to the locker room right after the kickoff.

We females do not need minute rice or a two pump chump up to the plate, we need a homerun hitter. We need it to last longer the commercials for the super bowl.

If you take the time, and put the game in over time I am sure your lady will reciprocate in return, trust me I’m speaking from experience.

We don’t want to bench you guys, but gosh darn it we will if need be, we want you to get into the game and become the mother fracking MVP of our vaginas. 

I know you males can get into squabbles on the bench, thinking of ways to make us gag on your sausage and/or not scrape it with our teeth while trying to swallow your sword. We promise to practice with popsicles and Pop rocks if you will. 

I want be your cheerleader and shake my pom poms for you, but like Pink says, “it’s best just give me a reason”. 

I will blow your whistle like Flo Rida says, but only if you dine on some fine seafood.

So load up on some Gatorade and take a 5 Hour Energy, because you are going South on this putty tat and making it go crazy with a leg shake.
 From my soap box…

7D